Дебора Кертис - Touching From a Distance

• Название: Touching From a Distance
• Автор: Дебора Кертис
• Издательство: Независимое издательство «Ил-music»
• Жанр: Биографии и Мемуары
• Год: 2013
• ISBN: 978-S-9904994-3-0

«Touching From A Distance» — это первое погружение в жизнь вокалиста Joy Division Йена Кертиса, задокументированное его вдовой Деборой. Эта книга — взгляд от первого лица, рассказ о юности манчестерского музыканта с момента А первой встречи до последних суток. Отношения Деборы и Йена — холодная война длиной в десять лет, кончившаяся суицидом и посмертной славой. На русском языке публикуется впервые.

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But we remember when we were young.

And all God’s angels beware,

And all you judges beware,

Sons of chance, take good care,

For all the people not there,

I’m not afraid anymore,

I’m not afraid anymore,

I’m not afraid anymore,

Oh, I’m not afraid anymore.

New Dawn Fades (1979)

A change of speed, a change of style.

A change of scene, with no regrets,

A chance to watch, admire the distance,

Still occupied, though you forget.

Different colours, different shades,

Over each mistakes were made.

I took the blame.

Directionless so plain to see,

A loaded gun won’t set you free.

So you say.

We’ll share a drink and step outside,

An angry voice and one who cried,

We’ll give you everything and more,

The strain’s too much, can’t take much more.

Oh, I’ve walked on water, run through fire,

Can’t seem to feel it anymore.

It was me, waiting for me,

Hoping for something more,

Me, seeing me this time, hoping for something else.

She’s Lost Control (1979)

Confusion in her eyes that says it all.

She’s lost control.

And she’s clinging to the nearest passer by,

She’s lost control.

And she gave away the secrets of her past,

And said I’ve lost control again,

And of a voice that told her when and where to act,

She said I’ve lost control again.

And she turned around and took me by the hand and said,

I’ve lost control again.

And how I’ll never know just why or understand,

She said I’ve lost control again.

And she screamed out kicking on her side and said,

I’ve lost control again.

And seized up on the floor, I thought she’d die.

She said I’ve lost control.

She’s lost control again.

She’s lost control.

She’s lost control again.

She’s lost control.

Well I had to ‘phone her friend to state my case,

And say she’s lost control again.

And she showed up all the errors and mistakes,

And said I’ve lost control again.

But she expressed herself in many different ways,

Until she lost control again.

And walked upon the edge of no escape,

And laughed I’ve lost control.

She’s lost control again.

She’s lost control.

She’s lost control again.

She’s lost control.

Shadowplay (1979)

To the centre of the city where all roads meet, waiting for you,

To the depths of the ocean where all hopes sank, searching for you,

I was moving through the silence without motion, waiting for you,

In a room with a window in the corner I found truth.

In the shadowplay, acting out your own death, knowing no more,

As the assassins all grouped in four lines, dancing on the floor,

And with cold steel, odour on their bodies made a move to connect,

But I could only stare in disbelief as the crowds all left.

I did everything, everything I wanted to,

I let them use you for their own ends,

To the centre of the city in the night, waiting for you,

To the centre of the city in the night, waiting for you.

Wilderness (1979)

I travelled far and wide through many differen

t times,

What did you see there?

I saw the saints with their toys,

What did you see there?

I saw all knowledge destroyed.

I travelled far and wide through many different times.

I travelled far and wide through prisons of the cross,

What did you see there?

The power and glory of sin,

What did you see there?

The blood of Christ on their skins,

I travelled far and wide through many different times.

I travelled far and wide and unknown martyrs died,

What did you see there?

I saw the one sided trials,

What did you see there?

I saw the tears as they cried,

They had tears in their eyes,

Tears in their eyes,

Tears in their eyes,

Tears in their eyes.

Interzone (1978)

I walked through the city limits,

Someone talked me in to do it,

Attracted by some force within it,

Had to close my eyes to get close to it,

Around a corner where a prophet lay,

Saw the place where she’d a room to stay,

A wire fence where the children played.

Saw the bed where the body lay,

And I was looking for a friend of mine.

And I had no time to waste.

Yeah, looking for some friends of mine.

The cars screeched hear the sound on dust,

Heard a noise just a car outside,

Metallic blue turned red with rust,

Pulled in close by the building’s side,

In a group all forgotten youth,

Had to think, collect my senses now,

Are turned on to a knife edged view.

Find some places where my friends don’t know,

And I was looking for a friend of mine,

And had no time to waste.

Yeah, looking for some friends of mine.

Down the dark streets, the houses looked the same,

Getting darker now, faces look the same,

And I walked round and round.

No stomach, torn apart,

Nail me to a train.

Had to think again,

Trying to find a clue, trying to find a way to get out!

Trying to move away, had to move away and keep out.

Four, twelve windows, ten in a row,

Behind a wall, well I looked down low,

The lights shined like a neon show,

Inserted deep felt a warmer glow,

No place to stop, no place to go,

No time to lose, had to keep on going,

I guess they died some time ago.

I guess they died some time ago.

And I was looking for a friend of mine

And I had no time to waste.

Yeah, looking for some friends of mine.

I Remember Nothing (1979)

We were strangers.

We were strangers, for way too long, for way too long,

We were strangers, for way too long.

Violent, violent,

Were strangers.

Get weak all the time, may just pass the time,

Me in my own world, yeah you there beside,

The gaps are enormous, we stare from each side,

We were strangers for way too long.

Violent, more violent, his hand cracks the chair,

Moves on reaction, then slumps in despair,

Trapped in a cage and surrendered too soon,

Me in my own world, the one that you knew,

For way too long.

We were strangers for way too long.

We were strangers,

We were strangers for way too long,

For way too long.

Transmission (1978)

Radio, live transmission.

Radio, live transmission.

Listen to the silence, let it ring on.

Eyes, dark grey lenses frightened of the sun.

We would have a fine time living in the night,

Left to blind destruction,

Waiting for our sight.

And we would go on as though nothing was wrong.

And hide from these days we remained all alone.

Staying in the same place, just staying out the time.

Touching from a distance,

Further all the time.

Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, to the radio.

Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, to the radio.

Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, to the radio.

Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, to the radio.

Well I could call out when the going gets tough.

The things that we’ve learnt are no longer enough.

No language, just sound, that’s all we need know,

To synchronise love to the beat of the show.

And we could dance.

Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, to the radio.

Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, to the radio.

Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, to the radio.

Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, to the radio.

Autosuggestion (1979)

Here, here,

Everything is by design,

Everything is by design.

Here, here,

Everything is kept inside.

So take a chance and step outside,

Your hopes, your dreams, your paradise.

Heroes, idols cracked like ice.

Here, here,

Everything is kept inside.

So take a chance and step outside.

Pure frustration face to face.

A point of view creates more waves,

So take a chance and step outside.

Take a chance and step outside.

Lose some sleep and say you tried.

Meet frustration face to face.

A point of view creates more waves.

So lose some sleep and say you tried.

So lose some sleep and say you tried.

So lose some sleep and say you tried.

So lose some sleep and say you tried.

Say you tried.

Say you tried.

Say you tried.

Say you tried.

Say you tried.

Say you tried.

Say you tried.

Say you tried.

Say you tried.

Say you tried.

Say you tried.

Yeah, lose some sleep and say you tried.

Yeah, lose some sleep and say you tried.

Yeah, lose some sleep and say you tried.

Yeah, lose some sleep and say you tried.

From Safety to Where ...? (1979)

No I don’t know just why.

No I don’t know just why.

Which way to turn,

I got this ticket to use.

Through childlike ways rebellion and crime,

To reach this point and retreat back again.

The broken hearts,

All the wheels that have turned,

The memories scarred and the vision is blurred.

No I don’t know which way,

Don’t know which way to turn,

The best possible use.

Just passing through, ‘till we reach the next stage.

But just to where, well it’s all been arranged,

Just passing through but the break must be made.

Should we move on or stay safely away?

Through childlike ways rebellion and crime,

To reach this point and retreat back again.

The broken hearts,

All the wheels that have turned,

The memories scarred and the vision is blurred.

Just passing through, ‘till we reach the next stage.

But just to where, well it’s all been arranged.

Just passing through but the break must be made.

Should we move on or stay safely away?

Atmosphere (1979)

Walk in silence,

Don’t walk away, in silence.

See the danger,

Always danger,

Endless talking,

Life rebuilding,

Don’t walk away.

Walk in silence,

Don’t turn away, in silence.

Your confusion,

My illusion,

Worn like a mask of self-hate,

Confronts and then dies.

Don’t walk away.

People like you find it easy,

Naked to see,

Walking on air.

Hunting by the rivers,

Through the streets,

Every corner abandoned too soon,

Set down with due care.

Don’t walk away in silence,

Don’t walk away.

Dead Souls (1979)

Someone take these dreams away,

That point me to another day,

A duel of personalities,

That stretch all true realities.

That keep calling me,

They keep calling me,

Keep on calling me,

They keep calling me.

Where figures from the past stand tall,

And mocking voices ring the halls.

Imperialistic house of prayer,

Conquistadors who took their share.

That keep calling me,

They keep calling me,

Keep on calling me,

They keep calling me.

Calling me, calling me, calling me, calling me.

They keep calling me,

Keep on calling me,

They keep calling me.

They keep calling me.

Love Will Tear Us Apart (1980)

When routine bites hard,

And ambitions are low,

And resentment rides high,

But emotions won’t grow,

And we’re changing our ways, taking different roads.

Then love, love will tear us apart again.

Love, love will tear us apart again.

Why is the bedroom so cold?

You’ve turned away on your side.

Is my timing that flawed?

Our respect runs so dry.

Yet there’s still this appeal that we’ve kept through our lives

But love, love will tear us apart again.

Love, love will tear us apart again.

You cry out in your sleep,

All my failings exposed.

And there’s a taste in my mouth,

As desperation takes hold.

Just that something so good just can’t function no more.

But love, love will tear us apart again.

Love, love will tear us apart again.