Юрий Низовцев - Sneers on a palm or the absurd ridicule

• Название: Sneers on a palm or the absurd ridicule
• Автор: Юрий Низовцев
• Жанр: Цитаты из афоризмов

Amusing, absurd and hopeless sarcastic-absurdist design, in which there is a wish to look every day.

---

Sneers on a palm or the absurd ridicule

Part I. Fresh pranks

Why all are going to the zoo?

To admire by itself in development.

Why love to caress cats?

For lack of more worthy object.

Whether understands parrot own chatter?

Only partly, but he likes it, and he is not stopping soon.

What special quality of the real housewives are the best?

By their richness – like the bun.

Where to now sit thieves?

Everywhere.

Why beggars have such look of suffering?

They always consider that they are given a little.

There is "Manneken Pis" (A pissing boy) in Brussels. And what is at us?

We may piss anywhere.

How the spirit is strengthened not so bad?

By acquisition of boots with foot bindings.

What a stick is good in?

It is possible to force down with its help not only pears.

What do cornered people make?

Japanese – Hara-kiri;

Russian – drunkenness;

American – business;

German – the order;

The Frenchman – champagne;

Englishman – soccer;

Chinese – a kite;

The Hindu – nirvana;

Jew – a sell.

Why the monkeys any more do not turn into people?

They had seen enough on them.

Why in the Russian language, almost all words are borrowed?

Apparently, Russians learned to speak later all.

Whether so really the person is perfect?

It is possible to learn it, having looked at a fly creeping on a ceiling.

Why do people trust the deceivers?

And why husband believes to wife?

Who occurs from a cow?

Exclusively good-natured persons, but in insufficient quantity.

What the bald head can be useful for?

For additional lighting of the space.

What is better to drink?

What into a throat flows and it is not being spillt.

How are combined boiling water and crayfish?

Just as boiling water and people, up to reddening.

What cheap cologne beats expensive perfume in?

It replaces vodka at an extreme.

For what pants are necessary?

To cover, inasmuch their opening does not make a contribution to science.

When women begin to get smarter?

Some – already after fifty.

Where did nudists undertake from?

From sin, that they do not hide.

From what a goose to a pig is not a comrade?

From the different feeding troughs.

Whether will triumph of validity?

When the cancer shall start to whistle at mount.

How to become rich?

Initially make poor.

Is it good to be as the pensioner?

If thou survive – will find out?!

Why with fat rage?

Demons prefer excess to drawback.

When the person craves the most.

When he has no money.

Why in Asia pilaf is eaten with hands?

Spoon it is possible not to be in time.

What thinks the ram, looking at a new gate?

What it does not concern him.

Who is this tailor?

The man who is able to strip through the glance of every which wants to get dressed.

In what is dissimilarity of a pig and a person?

The person is capable to turn into a pig, and the pig – doesn't even try.

Why distribution of medals begins?

To distribute money there is no desire.

Whether devil confuses us?

Not devil, but jurists.

What can be extracted from slops?

Quite good pork gammon as a result.

What is the difference of traders and women?

Shopkeepers try to sell everything, except themselves, and women try to sell themselves for the sake of everything else.

What does a vegetarian differ in?

Biased attitude to vegetables.

For what civilians grow moustaches?

For giving of themselves of military daring.

What does the playing sport harm to?

Strengthening muscles, it straightens the brain crinkles.

What American Negros are close to the Russian people in?

Set free rather recently from bondage, both those, and others yet haven't managed to adapt to will.

What will be with motorists soon?

They will disappear.

In what is the use of wrinkles on a physiognomy?

They allude to wisdom, which may completely absent.

What attracts delirium of the ill by?

It is possible to learn a lot of useful from it.

What is characteristic for any institution?

What is characteristic for any public office?

Loathsome spirit

In what a horseradish and a radish converge?

They are not wish to raise the degree of own sweetness.

In what case the flood is required?

When soul burns, and there is nothing to drink.

Whether it is possible to be clever and silly simultaneously?

It is possible, but uncomfortably. It will be unbroken glitch.

What distinguishes heaviness from burden?

The same, in what the kettlebell differs from hangover.

What is better – force or dexterity?

Better to use force dexterously.

How to overcome depression?

To blow in a whistle deafeningly.

Is it good to be rich?

Very good! But it is better to be carefree!

What was until us?

In general, it was the same.

Whether it is possible to get pleasure ceaselessly?

It is possible. But long it will not turn out.

How to overcome melancholy?

Work out by gymnastics.

Is it possible to be silent for seven years as Buddha?

If you are able to write?

Is the fighter better than the soldier?

Certainly: because the form does not constrain him.

Can the computer replace the person?

No! Firstly, it cannot do nonsenses, and secondly, thou can throw out it, but it cannot

Why do we need military in peacetime?

To nest egg.

Is the world the crazy?

It isn't necessary to ascribe to the world the human properties.

How to get rid of insomnia?

In old age – nohow, in young age insomnia doesn't happen, at the intermediate age – walk before going to bed.

Why had vice emerged?

For comparison.

Why horizon is slipping away?

It is ashamed of nude rotundities of Earth.

What are the reasons that people lose their teeth?

The people lose teeth on different reasons, but the main thing – they do not find them.

Whence undertake diseases?

From boredom of healthy life.

Whom to be better – by an animal or by the person?

It is quieter to be by a plant.

What is well? And what is bad?

Well when yet isn't worse, and it is bad when worse no place.

In what case a whip and a cake have equal value?

If they lie without use.

From what is it so bad with hangover?

From sense of an organism's protest.

Where does lady superior maiden?

In the dark.

In what cases is not necessary to be treated definitely?

At deaths door.

Whether there is a purpose in existence of blockheads?

They are the transition stage to more developed mammals, nevertheless, further not leaving these developed mammals.

Is it possible to die of laughter?

It is possible, but other methods are more preferable in terms of their organization.

Part II. Taunts

Why the madman does not remember himself?

He already bothered to himself.

How many progress lasts?

While everything will not crack. But it will renew as soon as collects the strength.

Whether there is life after death?

To die, it is necessary to be born. Means, after death it is necessary to await for the birth. And so on.

What distinguishes the person from the apes?

Nothing but self-conceit.

Is the learning as the light?

If there is the window.

Whether it is possible grow to the academician?

More perspective grows in another direction.

How to become a scientist?

In no way! All of us are always only disciples.

Is it good to be a doctor?

Very bad! There are doubts in the correctness of the treatment of yourself.

Whether is science history?

Of course, no! Because in history happens to be by everyone.

Is it possible time to stop?

Not only. It can also jump.

Is there any intellect at the crocodile?

And this intellect is not bad, since the crocodile regaled itself by the person many times.

Why alive has arisen?

It has not arisen, and it was always because without it the dead would not be made out.

Is it possible the word without the matter?

During chatter you cannot satisfy your hunger.

Why are people envious?

They always feel shortage for themselves of neighbour's goods.

What is different the patriot from the rest?

Others better.

Can the computer replace the person?

In any way not! First, it cannot do nonsenses, secondly, you can throw out it, and it of you – no.

Whether really labor created the person?

Vice versa.

Is it possible the arrival of universal harmony?

Not with your hands to play on the harmonium by all.

Can a frog become the person?

It became in the end.

Whether really the suffering ennobles the person?

If he managed to grow up to ability to suffer.

And what is this state – sleep?

Reminder that state and mind is not forever.

Why the present seems such fleeting?

Because of carelessness.

Is it possible to know the future?

Glance in the past or address any gypsy woman.

Can democracy be effective for the people?

It is effective only for rascals from the people.

What is required will for?

In order to all life to be engaged in a meaningless affair.

Why intelligentsia is multiplied only in Russia?

Russian always pitied the foolishes.

What does intelligentsia differ in?

It is helplessness.

Why is the Russian intelligentsia considered rotten?

It decomposes under any power.

Why the intellectuals are running away from Russia?

They are squeezed by intelligentsia.

What does not love intelligentsia?

To work.

What is loved by intelligentsia&

It loves self and fruitless vigils.

Are bribes useful?

No! Not in the horse feed.

Why the people elect fools by deputies?

What is pop, such is the parish.

Whether fear is useful?

If only to cause fear in people expediently.

Is it true that the casting vote always has the majority?

Wrong. The casting vote always belongs to the insidious minority.

Coup is similar to rotation of pancake on a frying pan, but revolution – akin to falling of a frying pan onto a leg.

Should we trust people?

Only after check.

What an official is good in, and in what he is bad?

He if and works, then shits inevitably.

How to get rid of bad habits?

To acquire new ones.

Where all diseases undertake from?

Because of failures of an organism without asking for anyone's permission.

What mister from comrade differs?

Mister much about himself understands, and comrade – nothing.

What is characteristic of old age?

By unreliability of preserved organics.

What will happen after the crisis?

Nothing, if it was the last.

Whether it is possible to grasp immensity?

Only in inadequate state.

What are equal rights?

This when for everything are accused right, and left are announced by the right for the same.

Is it possible to avoid inequalities?

It is impossible! But – equality: it is possible!

Is it possible immortality?

If only death orders to live long.

How the term "consciousness" may be deciphered?

Consciousness is only knowledge together with though some considerations.

Why atheists do not trust in "Afterlife"?

They are similar to those who believe that the medal has only one side.

Could there be a shadow without light?

It is difficult to say – without light cannot see anything.

What a free person differs from the unauthorized in?

A free person sees in what he gets involved, and the unauthorized person is unaware of it.

What distinguishes need from passion?

On need go, and on passion – soar.

That it is better: to live quietly and long or to live frantically and widely?

The value has not longitude and latitude, but the degree of satisfaction.

Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.

Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».

Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию на ЛитРес.

Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.